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31st December
written by Tony
Slightly better than a pencil in the eye.

Slightly better than a pencil in the eye.

Jesus. I like to think that I'm a pretty good boyfriend, but I had to throw in the towel about 45 minutes into this steaming turd of a movie. Fortunately, Steph being a normal person, the feeling was mutual. This movie is an embarrassment, for everyone, not just those who were tricked into watching it. I know for a fact that the only reason Steph got this movie was Colin Firth, which is fine. I've come to terms with the fact that she would leave me for him, cursing my lack of an English accent. Sweet, sweet Colin aside, this movie was terrible. Steph and I agreed that this is the work of alcohol. Let me explain. You see, Meryl Streep, Mrs. Weasley (that's who she is, and who she should stay) and Cybill Shepherd's friend all got together one night, drank a bunch of dirty martinis and sang along to ABBA. Then, in the midst of their middle-aged reverie, one of them (or possibly all three) decided to make a movie where they act like fools for two fucking hours.Which is fine, if you're a drunk 50 year old woman who wants to lose two hours of your life that you can never get back. Never. Seriously, we couldn't take it. The antics were so campy and horrible that most of what we were able to force ourselves to watch was met with a cringe and a grimace. I know this is based on a play of the same name. I know some moron thought that there was a story in the ABBA discography and it warranted some sort of tribute that was ostensibly successful. This is a lie. The songs don't make sense with the "plot." The music is just as saccharine as it was in the 70s and it still makes me want to die a quick death by knife to the ear. We got to the point where we kept looking at each other with that "what the hell?" look and I asked if we could please stop. Steph agreed, so we fast forwarded to the end to see who the father is. Spoiler alert!
In certain circles he's what is known as a "bear."

In certain circles he's what is known as a "bear."

Pierce Brosnan is the father and no, he cannot sing. At all. And he is fat and hairy.

In fact, the only person who can sing in this little chestnut is the main blond girl pictured above. Otherwise it is a wash. All in all, this was a waste of time and I recommend saying away from it. Really, don't ever watch this movie, it's not a "so bad it's good" kind of thing. It's just so bad it makes me cry. Kill me now out of 5


  1. 12/31/2008

    This wins as my favourite review on your blog so far.

    Unfortunately, my mother mentions how much she wants to watch this movie at least once a day. Thank you for warning me in advance. I will now plan to be anywhere else when she gets around to watching it.

    Keep up the good work, you two!

  2. taryn

    To paraphrase Liz Lemon from S2E1: “I even got rid of all my Colin Firth movies, in case they were considered soft porn.” 🙂

  3. 01/01/2009

    I like musicals and don’t hate ABBA so I thought this would be fine, but it was not! It is the kind of movie that would prompt a very difficult discussion about whether you would rather be deaf or blind (because I’m not even convinced that the singing was the absolute worst part of this… I will say Colin has improved since “The Importance of Being Earnest”, but he is no Ewan McGregor!). Honestly, we had to turn this off because I was feeling so embarrassed for the actors.

    Laura, I will say that if you are somehow roped into seeing this movie, if you can make it to the wedding dinner scene (chapter “Take a Chance On Me”), although the singing is super upsetting and will make you feel uncomfortable, the scene is almost as awesome as that one in “Bend It Like Beckham” in the night club. Look for the blond guy in the shell necklace. You will know what I mean!

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