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18th March
written by Tony

The end is near, I can sense it.

The end is near, I can sense it.

Steph and I were out at one of the malls in Nashville the other night wandering around aimlessly (as we do) when Steph said she would like to stop in BCBG and see what's the what. We were immediately off-put by the rather garish, 80s inspired window dressings, but decided to press on... until we came to the front entrance and saw the sight above. DEAR GOD what is this? Max Azria really, really thinks women will, or even should, wear this? If women start wearing these at all, even once, I'm going to lose my shit. Seriously. And these would be the perfect pants to be wearing if that were to happen.

I mean, maybe, if I was 70 years old and required an enormous adult diaper to contain the vast amounts of incontinence that wearing these pants would cause me to have all the time (from shame) then perhaps I would consider these mutated hospital bottoms as outerwear.

Apparently these $88.00 pants of shame are known as the Jersey Harem Pant. There aren't enough capital letters on the Internet to describe how much I hate these extra-ugly sweat pants. If you really want to throw up all over yourself, you can go check them out. You could pair them with this, and then change into this for the weekend. And then you could throw yourself into a ravine full of rabid weasels.

Normally I try to minimize obscenity in my posts (for all you sensitive souls out there) but...

Fuck you Max Azria.

p.s. I apologize for the quality of the camera phone image, I didn't have my nice camera with me because I never expected to see THIS at the mall. Or ever. JESUS.


  1. 03/18/2009

    Sorry, it’s not “if women start wearing this”. A lot of girls see them as a comfortable alternative to denim, hahah.
    But yes, they are essentially MC Hammer/genie from Aladdin/diaper pants.

    I’ll try and get you guys a snapshot of this one girl who wears a bright turquoise pair with drapy wings on the sides 😀
    In the meantime, you can have a look at these horrors:

  2. 03/20/2009

    @ tuesday: I have confirmed the truth of this, in our own US of A in fact. Janet Jackson (are you really surprised? I wasn’t) was caught wearing an outrageously low-crotched pair for some TV show. Maybe they are more comfortable than denim, but, I mean so is a bathrobe or that ratty pair of sweatpants that you were wearing when you rolled down a hill through barbed wire and into the sewer-treatment plant pond, but I’d still rather wear the slightly less comfortable denim than leave the house looking like an a-hole. Admittedly, I’m not a woman, but still, it would seem to take a colossal disregard for your own appearance to wear these, regardless of gender.

    Also, if you could get a picture of the girl in her turquoise shame-suit, that would be amaaaazing. I’d post it, that’s for sure.

    @ everyone else: GOD, I know, right? What’s wrong with people?

  3. Simona

    Wow. Those are absolutely *hideous*. My eeeeeyyyyyeeeeees!

  4. 03/18/2009

    Yikes! That is one ugly pair of pants! Being out in the country has advantages after all.. I’ve never seen anyone wear it.. yet.

  5. Dave

    Well Tony, now that our mothers work together on occasion, I am privy to “through the grapevine” news items about you, this site being one of them. I have to say, I think you should pick yourself up a pair of these babies. Personally, I think there’s nothing that goes better on all six feet two inches of man hunk such as yourself but a good ol’ fashioned pair of diaper pants. No need to bother with running to the bathroom all the time. Just shit yourself! What a time-saver!

  6. 03/19/2009

    That’s hilarious. And terrifying. I thought the return of leggings alone was bad, but this…*shudders*

  7. 03/20/2009

    I am really surprised they housed these right in the front of the store. Seems like the kind of thing that any self respecting business owner would hide in the back of the store. Better yet, in the clearance or discard section. I can’t really imagine any situation where these pants would be suitable attire.

  8. Ben

    Obviously these are intended for those who are anticipating an ass growing in the front, this way you’re fashionable in the meantime and you’re prepared for the future. That’s just good ole’ fashioned American practicality right there.

  9. taryn

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